Still here

For a while there I thought I was meant for something great, that God had these amazing plans lined up for me that coincided with every fairy tale dream I had and then...I looked around and realized that after x amount of years following Him, I was still doing the same thing with my life. Then I wondered where exactly He was in this picture and why He had not swept me away to the fulfillment of those dreams. (Stump does a great job at making the 'slap in the face' from God more realistic.) Fortunately enough for us all, we are entitled to nothing. I'm actually not even entitled to be apart of this grand scheme of God, but He wants me there. He wants my participation. He wants me to intercede & care where others lack the ability to do so.
Erina got a piece published in Relevant magazine last month or month before and had a copy of the issue it was in, lying in the living room. I skimmed through it trying to find her article but before I did I came across another article. I don't remember much about it except that the general gist was about not being a radical for God. There are enough people adding their name to the list of names to be a radical, but what we are called to be is actually quite simple. Community, sharing, loving, not selfishly consuming are obvious, simple requirements not radical ones. Radical just seems like a term that draws all attention to oneself, not the glorification of God.
Would I be ok with my occupation ending up with me at the tea room the rest of my life and my ministry being in Nashville?
Would I be ok with no one recognizing the things I do beyond human sight or knowledge of those things and just being content with knowing God has a time when I will be honored for all those things? probably not, but God make me that way.
What if my entire life went by and I had zero recognition and the only thing I was called to do was the most insignificant thing I could think of, but to God it's not insignificant?
When we dedicate our lives to God and form this relationship it's almost as if we receive His brain. Now we still have ours but if we are in such close bond with Him we would not even have to question the actions we carry out or the words we choose to deliver because they are of Him.



I'm learning.
So still working in the good ol tea industry, still living in Nashville, still doing the same hobbies, and He just wants me to be His creation. Just enjoy this season and be the creation and let Him do the creating of future plans.


still dealing with unfortunate family matters-
Holly has gone to rehab now and hates it, as is expected.
Mom is numb and tries to avoid dealing with anything by
working long hours.
Dad, who knows. and unfortunately I have not endured
enough healing to care yet.
Josh is numb.